Borders

So, the last time I had the inclination to share my thoughts and feelings on this particular subject was in August of 2014. Almost a year and a half ago. Let me just say that a whole lot has come to pass since the moment I hit "Publish" on my last blog... One of my closest friends asked me to share my further revelations after my most recent blog post, but I never felt like it was the right time to do so until now. I think that's because for the longest time, I was coasting and just kind of basking in what Jesus was doing in my life...but sharing your story and witnessing to others is an integral part of being a Christian. So.

Since the beginning of what I tend to refer to as my pre-quarter century crisis, I have experienced a particular feeling multiple times... 

Do you know how many times in your life, especially in recent years, you have had a feeling of accomplishment and finality? Like "Okay, I finally get it. I know for certain that this is what should be happening in my life." The feeling that you have finally found what you need to be doing, where you should be living, who you should associate with, and ultimately who you are. You know, that feeling of temporary contentment that somehow tricks your brain into thinking it's permanent... Sort of like you've reached the border you've been searching for.

Well. First, it was the whole breaking up with my post-grad boyfriend/quitting my job/purchasing my first car/beginning a new career period of my life. This was my 2014. In October of 2014, I realized that I had made the right decision in taking my "dream job," because I also realized that this so-called dream job of mine was in fact not at all what I was put here on this earth to be doing. This realization was daunting and spun me directly into another series of "what am I doing with my life?" thoughts. This is when I knew that all the time I had been praying "Spirit, lead me where my trust is without borders," that maybe what I had intended to be my next career was in fact a stepping stone in the right direction but not my final destination. So, desperation set in. Fortunately I had been through something similar not long before this, so I knew that I had to take action and make some moves. I frantically searched for job descriptions and graduate programs, hoping to find my next step. I even took a day and went to the UGA Career Counseling office in Buckhead, where the counselor ultimately wrote on her notepad "Kaleigh Mason: still wants to be with kids, doesn't want to teach, but probably misses it and just doesn't know it yet." Regardless of her opinion, I decided that I was going to enroll in a Professional Counseling graduate program, optimistically hoping that I would attend said program at UGA. 

This was late October and the due date for admissions to the UGA Department of Counseling was December 19th. I frantically signed up for the GRE, then looked up my list of contacts for professional references. I knew that, unfortunately, I would inevitably have to ask my former principal for a letter of recommendation, so I emailed the others first. When it came time to email her, I typed out a letter of what felt like defeat. I was admitting to her that I left teaching for another career that was not working out for me. It felt humiliating, but I knew that I really didn't have a choice in the matter and that she would be more than willing to write a letter for me. So, I hit send and I closed my macbook. To my surprise, I received an email notification on my phone from my principal almost immediately, asking me if I wanted to return to teaching at Summit Hill.

I was absolutely shocked. I wasn't even certified in the position she was offering. It was mid-year. I thought I didn't want to be a teacher. I had no idea what I was doing. 

So, two weeks later, I took the GRE on a Wednesday and the following Friday took the GACE in Early Childhood Education. I submitted my application to UGA and signed my contract for Fulton County Schools all in the same week. 

I let my friends at my current job know about the changes and they were completely supportive, just as I knew they would be. At this point, I was running solely on adrenaline and prayer. I had no idea what I was doing, but I was doing it. On January 4th, I was handed a list of 20 students' names and set up a kindergarten classroom in one single day with help from my best friend and my kindergarten assistant. On January 5th, those 20 students walked into their classroom, eager to meet their new kindergarten teacher. It was so overwhelming that I couldn't even stop to think of what I was even doing. It was challenging and exactly what I was prepared for (so I thought). I continued to coordinate weddings on the weekends and live on juice plus+ smoothies and kale for a few months. It was crazy. 

Come May of 2015, I had completed a semester (what felt like a full year) of teaching kindergarten, signed my contract for the 2015-2016 school year, coordinated my last wedding of the spring, and moved out of my cozy little house into an apartment in Roswell. All the while still running on adrenaline (but mostly coffee)... and I wouldn't change a thing. Obviously grad school was put on hold at this time because YAY, I love being a kindergarten teacher. Jesus opened my eyes to a new career that I LOVE and a new community of people to learn and grow with. Oh, and a really great, new relationship that stemmed from a very spontaneous decision to go to the beach. It's kind of funny, because just when I thought I had it all figured out (there's that feeling again)... I meet a guy who lives 400 miles away. Okay- LOL, God. But hey, new challenges are always accepted! And it has been totally worth it.

So, when my friend asked me to write an update on my view of how "Oceans" applies to my life now, I couldn't even think of the words to say or write to explain how differently it all worked out and is continuing to change. I prayed for trust without borders, and I haven't seen a real border yet. I remember thinking back in the spring that I would really love to hit a border, because I felt like my life was in constant motion. But that's not what God intended. There have been times when I have felt like I have hit a border, but I am reminded that if and when I feel that way, these borders are not of God. They are man-made, and they can be broken down. I had definitely created the "I'm only dating someone within a 25 mile radius of me" border and God destroyed that one real quick, and I'm pretty grateful for that. Very grateful.

I'm also grateful for the opportunities and challenges I've faced this year. It's amazing how God can take any situation and turn it into a learning experience, challenging you to make the choice to walk on the water or to sink. The wonderful thing is, He will never let you sink. He may "take you deeper than your feet could ever wander," in order to make your faith stronger, but He is there every step of the way. It's been a very interesting, very good year.

It's not about knowing what will happen next or what I should change next. In no way do I have it all figured out, and that's okay. It's about trusting without borders in this season, knowing that I always have plenty of room to grow when it comes to seeking and following Jesus audaciously (I'm learning more about this in Audacious by Beth Moore and am loving it). 
Because why am I searching for borders when I should be seeking Jesus? 

Seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added to you. (Matthew 6:33). 

I can choose to let my feet fail and sink into what may seem like the silly, worldly struggles (borders, if you will) of a 25 year old, or I can choose to keep my eyes above the waves
...Looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith (Hebrews 12:2).

It's really that simple, but it's easy to lose focus sometimes. Eyes up.