Because sometimes you just need a leopard print robe

So. This is going to be long. I am a complete mess, which is why I feel I should share this. Please excuse any incorrect grammar or slang I may use because I'm really not worried about it right now.

I don't mean to be a downer, but this weekend had very high expectations and let me just say, it absolutely crashed and burned. But hey, one thing I have learned in my wise age of 25 years and 11 months is that life is weird and things happen for reasons far beyond what we can see in the current moment. Because sometimes that current moment sucks, which makes it extremely difficult to accept the fact that clarity will come eventually and it will all make sense some day. You know, all of those silly quotes like "you have to walk through the storm to see the rainbow" or whatever that quote even is. I don't even want to google it at this point because that's a waste of time.

So, my current situation involves me, typing on my MacBook that is covered in butter from trying to make pancakes and it ironically exploding on me and my entire kitchen (a little foreshadowing for how the weekend was going to turn out), binge watching FRIENDS, drinking my third cup of coffee, and wearing my brand new, leopard print, fleece robe. Yes, I am wearing a leopard print robe. I am losing my mind. Let me (try to) explain before I sound too pitiful because I'm really not fishing for sympathy here.

We had a three day weekend because of Presidents' Day and instead of traveling, I was staying home. I don't mind the traveling, but it is nice to stay put sometimes. The floors were clean, groceries bought, and plans were made. I may sound extremely lame, but all was well. 

Except that it wasn't, and it hasn't been for a while. Obviously back around Christmastime I was struggling with the borders I had put up in my life. I was creating my own little identity crisis, except that it wasn't little at all. The pressure was building, and I honestly did not know how to combat it. I tried to voice it and I tried to let go of it, but it just was not working and continued to build and build until it was absolutely too much.

I don't know why this happened or why I let it build up for so long, but I do know that it happened the way it needed to. (That's the strangest part to me-- the fact that I can accept it. It's not easy, but I can do it. Does this mean I am a grown-up?!)

I tried several things from the time this all began. It started with talking about it to my friends, thinking about it constantly, praying about it (but also doubting, which is contradictory and absolutely will not work and obviously didn't), and then eventually almost trying to sabotage it without realizing because I just wanted it to go away. It's like I thought I knew what I was doing, but I had no idea what I was doing at all. So instead of letting go of it and trusting in the fact the God had it (Because He does. He always does.), I tried to take it on myself. I just knew that if I blogged about it (see previous post), or journaled about it, or listened to music that made me feel good, or went for a run and cleared my head, or drove for a long time and listened to a book on tape about 'core feelings' or 'primary intentions' that it would make everything better. So, obviously this stuff was not working. It was only allowing more tension to build. I am generally a pretty non-confrontational person, so the fact that I was causing fights and arguments over silly things like what to eat for lunch is absolutely baffling to me. Who had I become? Why was I acting like this? I was drowning, and I think the worst part about drowning is that you are aware of it the entire time.

Side note: I am afraid of the ocean. I will get in the water if it is not too rough and I will play and go out to where I cannot touch the bottom. I will tread until I cannot tread anymore, but when it comes to the actual swimming part, when I am challenged and have to keep myself above water, it scares me. I've never been in an actual situation when I thought I was going to drown (Except for this one time in the wave pool at Disney World. I was 19. So embarrassing.), but I do not have the confidence in my ability to swim. I'm not sure how I would react if I were to be in that literal situation. It is my fear because the ocean is big. It is dark, scary, and unknown and my confidence is shaken when it is involved. 

That being said, I think it ironically explains my connection with Oceans. I believe that we all have different ways of connecting with God on a deeper level and often times he draws us in through our fears and/or pain. So, for a couple of years now I have used Oceans as my form of worship, my connection to the Lord when I desperately need answers, comfort, or peace. I realize it's a little odd that my entire blog is about this one song, because it kind of seems like I am worshiping the song instead of Jesus, but I've found that for whatever reason God speaks to me through this fear. Although this song may have been written for thousands of other reasons or people, at this point in my life I know that I was meant to hear it when I was standing in my classroom in March of 2014, trying to figure out what my next step was going to be.

So, that seems to be the focal point of all of this. The next step. 

I struggled for a couple of months, until I finally received some clarity, some guidance on which direction to go. I knew I had to put myself out there and really let myself be vulnerable to however God had planned for me to receive this. I was nervous and getting impatient and was growing more and more doubtful that I would receive clarity or guidance in what I should do. Like I said, I was breaking from the pressure without even realizing it.

It had been on my list of New Year's Resolutions for the past 4 years to find a small group. I had a couple of options, but nothing that seemed to fit. I also hadn't tried very hard. I had just thought about it and prayed about it a little, but never really stepped out and went to do anything. I also let myself fall into a routine of avoiding meaningful, important conversations and connections with people. Even people I care about (especially them). It was really very strange and is difficult to describe... it doesn't really make any sense. I found that I was caught up in the "me" stuff and was struggling to find my way out of it.

Right around this same time and just after posting my last blog post, I found out that there are certain things that I have to do in order to keep my job. I am on a very strict timeline with very tough stipulations that seem near impossible due to the fact that no one has really been able to tell me what I need to do. It sounds petty and silly, but it has been extremely trying and has added tension to my life because for a while my job was the only thing I felt sure of. I have prayed about it, but I also realized I was trying very hard to do things on my own because it felt like it was something I should be working at. It's my job that I love , that fell into my lap like a sign from above!! It was supposed to be perfect and all work out!!! It's like I got so caught up in this "Why can't I just have it? Why does it have to be so hard??" mentality that I was missing the point. What is the point, exactly? I have no idea. Except that there is one, it will come, it will be clear, and it will all work out. 

So, with that weighing on me and me not accepting that it is out of my control and that if it is indeed meant to be, that it WILL (FREAKING) BE, even if it happens in a round about way like it seems other things have happened in my life, it added to the pressure I was feeling. 
(That was definitely a run-on sentence. Oh well- I probably have several of those.)

Back in the fall, I heard about something call the IF: gathering. It's a gathering of women in Austin, Texas to hear about Jesus and praise and worship Him, like a Christian women's conference. As much as I would LOVE to go to Austin (#1 place on my list in the U.S.), that wasn't feasible at this time. They have this thing called IF: Local where they live-stream it into a living room as you gather with women from your community and GUESS WHAT? There was a gathering in Roswell, 1.7 miles from my home. No excuses. 

So without knowing a soul who was going to be there or what it was even going to be like,  I signed up. As it drew closer, I got more and more nervous and thought about not going several times. When I walked in, I saw a group of about thirty women in their 20s, 30s, 40s, and 50s gathered on multiple couches in a beautiful house that I had never even noticed before, regardless of how many times I had driven passed it. It was weird because I didn't know anyone there and had no idea what to expect, but I was immediately overcome with a sense of belonging. We watched a live-stream of the conference on the TV in the living room from rows of couches and chairs, answered difficult questions and had the deep, meaningful conversations I had been longing for. It was awkward and it was weird and it was everything I needed to bring me out of the funk I had been in. 

I talked about my job, my relationship, my family, my church, my background, my desires, my faults, my trials, my fears... We even had a time of confession, in a room full of women who had only known each other for a few hours. It was incredible. Jesus was in it and it was so real.

It put me in the exact place to be prepared to have the conversations that needed to be had, to ask the tough questions, and to put myself out there in my very real world of impossible expectations I had created for myself and then completely stopped trying to own up to. I had made it so much more complicated by trying to do it all myself, that I had to put myself in the position of having to break myself down and let go of all the pressure in order to rebuild. 

I was finally getting it. I was so excited.

However, the plan did not turn out the way I had envisioned it. What's weird is that I see that, and I realize that it doesn't have to turn out my way because that would just mean I would have to deal with the consequences of trying to do it on my own yet again. I was ready and prepared to have those conversations, to let go of things I had been internalizing, and to take a leap of faith. The thing is, this took some time. It took a long time, and it may have taken too long. 

Bottom line, the weekend didn't turn out the way I thought it would. I may have gotten to this place of understanding and clarity, just to be reminded that this life is not my own and I am not here on my own time. I am here on His time and He has it all planned out. I just have to trust in that.

So, I took myself to Target and used the gift card I had on a candle and a leopard print robe that was on sale for $7 (obviously I wouldn't pay full price for something so ridiculous). Thank goodness for FRIENDS and fleece when you need them. 

I could let myself get all wrapped up in what the next step will be in my life, or if I should just not take any steps at all. Sometimes I wish my life was more simple, but I know that even if it was I would still wonder. There's nothing wrong with wondering, but there is something wrong with settling and still wondering what life would be like if you hadn't. Because for whatever reason, I was not chosen to live the simple life I had imagined for myself for so many years. Not at this season, anyway. To others my life may seem simple, it's not like I'm going to exotic places, or making a lot of money, or starting a non-profit to help millions of orphans, or doing anything that others may deem as being successful or complex. Maybe I will some day, who knows? But all of that is totally okay with me, and I am growing to accept the fact that my life may be simple, or it may be complex, or somewhere in between, but whatever it may be- Jesus has called me out upon the water. The water may be scary, but He will absolutely not let me drown even if my feet fail, because they have dozens of times. 

So here we go again. One week ago I had finally said, "Okay, God. I am ready. You called me, and I'm walking." and although His answer is very unclear and I am feeling more confused than ever, I know that the clarity will eventually come. I just have to wait. My feet are failing but my eyes are above the waves, and I am so grateful for knowing and believing that. I guess sometimes I require reminders that even if I am not sure of anything else, I can be sure that His sovereign hand will be my guide and even when my fear surrounds me, He has never failed and He won't start now. 

Faithful is He that calls you, who will also do it. 

1 Thessalonians 5:24 

Borders

So, the last time I had the inclination to share my thoughts and feelings on this particular subject was in August of 2014. Almost a year and a half ago. Let me just say that a whole lot has come to pass since the moment I hit "Publish" on my last blog... One of my closest friends asked me to share my further revelations after my most recent blog post, but I never felt like it was the right time to do so until now. I think that's because for the longest time, I was coasting and just kind of basking in what Jesus was doing in my life...but sharing your story and witnessing to others is an integral part of being a Christian. So.

Since the beginning of what I tend to refer to as my pre-quarter century crisis, I have experienced a particular feeling multiple times... 

Do you know how many times in your life, especially in recent years, you have had a feeling of accomplishment and finality? Like "Okay, I finally get it. I know for certain that this is what should be happening in my life." The feeling that you have finally found what you need to be doing, where you should be living, who you should associate with, and ultimately who you are. You know, that feeling of temporary contentment that somehow tricks your brain into thinking it's permanent... Sort of like you've reached the border you've been searching for.

Well. First, it was the whole breaking up with my post-grad boyfriend/quitting my job/purchasing my first car/beginning a new career period of my life. This was my 2014. In October of 2014, I realized that I had made the right decision in taking my "dream job," because I also realized that this so-called dream job of mine was in fact not at all what I was put here on this earth to be doing. This realization was daunting and spun me directly into another series of "what am I doing with my life?" thoughts. This is when I knew that all the time I had been praying "Spirit, lead me where my trust is without borders," that maybe what I had intended to be my next career was in fact a stepping stone in the right direction but not my final destination. So, desperation set in. Fortunately I had been through something similar not long before this, so I knew that I had to take action and make some moves. I frantically searched for job descriptions and graduate programs, hoping to find my next step. I even took a day and went to the UGA Career Counseling office in Buckhead, where the counselor ultimately wrote on her notepad "Kaleigh Mason: still wants to be with kids, doesn't want to teach, but probably misses it and just doesn't know it yet." Regardless of her opinion, I decided that I was going to enroll in a Professional Counseling graduate program, optimistically hoping that I would attend said program at UGA. 

This was late October and the due date for admissions to the UGA Department of Counseling was December 19th. I frantically signed up for the GRE, then looked up my list of contacts for professional references. I knew that, unfortunately, I would inevitably have to ask my former principal for a letter of recommendation, so I emailed the others first. When it came time to email her, I typed out a letter of what felt like defeat. I was admitting to her that I left teaching for another career that was not working out for me. It felt humiliating, but I knew that I really didn't have a choice in the matter and that she would be more than willing to write a letter for me. So, I hit send and I closed my macbook. To my surprise, I received an email notification on my phone from my principal almost immediately, asking me if I wanted to return to teaching at Summit Hill.

I was absolutely shocked. I wasn't even certified in the position she was offering. It was mid-year. I thought I didn't want to be a teacher. I had no idea what I was doing. 

So, two weeks later, I took the GRE on a Wednesday and the following Friday took the GACE in Early Childhood Education. I submitted my application to UGA and signed my contract for Fulton County Schools all in the same week. 

I let my friends at my current job know about the changes and they were completely supportive, just as I knew they would be. At this point, I was running solely on adrenaline and prayer. I had no idea what I was doing, but I was doing it. On January 4th, I was handed a list of 20 students' names and set up a kindergarten classroom in one single day with help from my best friend and my kindergarten assistant. On January 5th, those 20 students walked into their classroom, eager to meet their new kindergarten teacher. It was so overwhelming that I couldn't even stop to think of what I was even doing. It was challenging and exactly what I was prepared for (so I thought). I continued to coordinate weddings on the weekends and live on juice plus+ smoothies and kale for a few months. It was crazy. 

Come May of 2015, I had completed a semester (what felt like a full year) of teaching kindergarten, signed my contract for the 2015-2016 school year, coordinated my last wedding of the spring, and moved out of my cozy little house into an apartment in Roswell. All the while still running on adrenaline (but mostly coffee)... and I wouldn't change a thing. Obviously grad school was put on hold at this time because YAY, I love being a kindergarten teacher. Jesus opened my eyes to a new career that I LOVE and a new community of people to learn and grow with. Oh, and a really great, new relationship that stemmed from a very spontaneous decision to go to the beach. It's kind of funny, because just when I thought I had it all figured out (there's that feeling again)... I meet a guy who lives 400 miles away. Okay- LOL, God. But hey, new challenges are always accepted! And it has been totally worth it.

So, when my friend asked me to write an update on my view of how "Oceans" applies to my life now, I couldn't even think of the words to say or write to explain how differently it all worked out and is continuing to change. I prayed for trust without borders, and I haven't seen a real border yet. I remember thinking back in the spring that I would really love to hit a border, because I felt like my life was in constant motion. But that's not what God intended. There have been times when I have felt like I have hit a border, but I am reminded that if and when I feel that way, these borders are not of God. They are man-made, and they can be broken down. I had definitely created the "I'm only dating someone within a 25 mile radius of me" border and God destroyed that one real quick, and I'm pretty grateful for that. Very grateful.

I'm also grateful for the opportunities and challenges I've faced this year. It's amazing how God can take any situation and turn it into a learning experience, challenging you to make the choice to walk on the water or to sink. The wonderful thing is, He will never let you sink. He may "take you deeper than your feet could ever wander," in order to make your faith stronger, but He is there every step of the way. It's been a very interesting, very good year.

It's not about knowing what will happen next or what I should change next. In no way do I have it all figured out, and that's okay. It's about trusting without borders in this season, knowing that I always have plenty of room to grow when it comes to seeking and following Jesus audaciously (I'm learning more about this in Audacious by Beth Moore and am loving it). 
Because why am I searching for borders when I should be seeking Jesus? 

Seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added to you. (Matthew 6:33). 

I can choose to let my feet fail and sink into what may seem like the silly, worldly struggles (borders, if you will) of a 25 year old, or I can choose to keep my eyes above the waves
...Looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith (Hebrews 12:2).

It's really that simple, but it's easy to lose focus sometimes. Eyes up.

Above the Waves

I am 24 years old. In the past couple of months I have quit my teaching job, started a new career, broken up with my 'serious' boyfriend of almost two years, and traded in my first car that I loved so dearly for a brand new one. I guess you could call it an almost-quarter-century crisis. I have often heard to "turn your mess into a message," so let me back-track a little bit, briefly... (Okay- Everyone who knows me knows that I never say anything "briefly.")

There was a time when I had written a blog about growing up, accepting change, and trusting in the Lord's plan for my life. It has been 2.5 years since said blog was edited. I had just graduated from the best university in the South Eastern Conference ("No institution more worthy of such loyalty as the University of Georgia."). I left my beloved Classic City for the 'big' city and started my teaching career as a second grade special education teacher in Milton. I had just begun dating one of my best guy friends, moved into an apartment in Buckhead with two wonderful girls, and I was loving my new, big-girl life. I was just doing what I thought I was supposed to be doing.

I woke up yesterday morning and realized how strange it is that I am not at school, rushing to get my classroom ready for sneak-a-peak with my new kiddos or going to trainings on how to use some type of technology program in my classroom (that I may end up using one time during the school year). For the first time in my life I am not going back to school and it's a very weird feeling... I have been asked the question many, many times since May and to be honest I had almost forgotten what my answer was... Why did I quit teaching? But really- why?

Well.

I'm weird about numbers. Like, really weird. I have never been a fan of odd numbers. I remember being in 2nd grade and learning how to add and subtract and I could not stand it when the 'sum' or 'difference' ended up being the numbers 7, 11, or 13. I. Could. Not. Stand. It. I would rush to the next problem, just so I could have a new number to think about. "YES. 6+6=12! Thank goodness!" What a freak. This may have been one of the reasons I have never liked math...

It's not all odd numbers- there are some I like. For example, I really like the numbers 17 and 19. I really liked the age of 17 because it was that time in my life when I thought that everything I did mattered SO much and I was convinced that I was probably going to die if my parents didn't let me go to Waffle House with my friends at 1am. I was a stupid teenage girl and learned a lot of valuable lessons. (Most of the time I went to WaHo anyway). I like the number 19 because my birthday is March 19th, so I would say that's a normal reason to like that number.

But what's weird is that my hatred for odd numbers has never gotten away from me. I absolutely will not allow the volume in my car to be on anything other than a 0, 2, 5 (because it's in the middle), or 8 (with the exception of 17 and 19, of course). I have also noticed a trend in the odd numbers in my life... and I know I'm definitely, 100% over-thinking this. However, I have noticed that the times I have been the happiest in my life were during the even years. I'm not going to go way back, but I know that 18 and 20 were both good years.Then at the age of 22 I was convinced that it was impossible that life could get any better- I LOVED 22. (Insert those stupid Taylor Swift lyrics that I will admit are completely accurate. Most of the time I still feel 22.). 

Then came 23. The inevitable, odd age in the odd year of 2013.

Let's be honest- 2013 was a weird year. It rained just about every day. It was warm in January and it was cold in May. IN GEORGIA.

I had just finished up my first year of teaching, which I felt was close to a miracle. I learned A LOT, to say the very least. I moved from my 2nd grade classroom to a preschool self-contained class, which I was super excited about and thought I would do at least for the next few years because I was sure it was what I wanted to do. I have no doubt in my mind that it was absolutely my calling to teach those two years in those exact classrooms with those sweet students. I loved teaching those kids how to read, count, sing, play, do the macarena- I was a jack of many trades. Being a teacher is much more than giving tests or lining kids up to go to the lunchroom. You matter in their lives, and they matter in yours. 

But I was in cruise control. I found myself coasting through everything and being totally content in that, which was not a good place to be. I was sick of 2013. I wasn't enjoying the present, so I wasn't living in it. I kept thinking and hoping that the reason I wasn't happy was because it was an odd year and everything was blah.

So, when 2014 came I was relieved and hopeful for a fresh, new, EVEN year.

And then one day it was very clear to me that I didn't need to be there anymore. It was a very big, strong feeling. I absolutely loved being a teacher and I didn't want to leave the profession. However, I found myself trying to find ways out of it... I even signed up for the GRE so I could go back and get my Masters in something. I was searching for a way out, but I didn't know what I was doing.
I had a couple of pity parties and cried a few tears... then I realized that I was spending all of my time wishing my life away, waiting for a new year, a new month... Why wasn't I just being present and doing what I needed to do? Because what I needed to do was pray- and I knew that.

Of course I prayed every morning on my way to work and every night when I went to bed, but like I said, I was just going through the motions. Praying was just part of my routine. 
In Thessalonians 5 it says to pray without ceasing, but I had fallen back into that same old pattern of "poor, pitiful me" and was trying to find ways out of the situation I was in without just straight up facing it and living in the present moment. Praying about the present moment. One morning on my way to work the Hillsong United song “Oceans” came on the radio... I had heard the song several times but didn't think much of it, and then the words “Keep my eyes above the waves…” stuck with me and I started listening.

So, I prayed through the song. I prayed for Him to lead me where my trust is without borders. I needed a change and I prayed that He would prepare my heart for whatever that change may be...so then I waited for it.

Going back to my birthday; I didn't know how to feel about this birthday at first-- I had gotten over all of the "I'm going to be married by the time I'm 24 and have kids at 26" crap already when I was 22 (see other blog). I had accepted all of that and knew that I was in the right place in that aspect... So, I decided to be excited to turn 24. (Not that it's wrong to do that- It just wasn't the right plan for me, obviously.)

I made it my new mantra that 24 is going to be my "year of opportunity." I was mainly just excited to be back on an even year. Y'all, I really did not like 23. I read somewhere that statistics show that 23 is everyone's least favorite age in their 20's and I could not agree more. (Not to mention I was 23 in 2013- so there ya go.)

 Every Year of Your 20s Ranked from Worst to Best
(This may not be the most credible source- but it's true.)
 
So, I turned 24 and I was fully ready for my year of opportunity. 

I had been praying for a door to open, or even for a door to close first in order for another one to open. Again, "where my trust is without borders." I still struggled with the circumstances I was in and I knew that I wasn't happy, but I knew that I just had to keep waiting and I had comfort in knowing that The Lord had a plan for this particular time in my life.

"For the vision is yet for an appointed time and it hastens to the end; it will not deceive or disappoint. Though it tarry, WAIT for it, because it will surely come; it will not be behindhand on its appointed day." Habakkuk 2:3

I remember one time when I was trying to figure out what to do about my career and talking to my then-boyfriend about how maybe one day my principal would come to me and tell me that I no longer had a position and that my teaching days were over. Just like that.
And then it happened. As I was having my daily morning talk with my coworker and mixing the granola into my yogurt, my principal walked right in and broke the news that my classroom would no longer exist and that I would be moving, possibly to another elementary school in the county (which could be south of Atlanta. No Way Jose'.). Most would expect one to react to this. At least react. I had a feeling like I never imagined I could have in this type of situation. I mean, the woman had basically just told me I didn't have a job anymore- at least not the one I wanted- and I was at total and complete peace.
So, there was my sign. There was my door closing. Just like that- Boom! Opportunity.

Then April came. I was excited for my new doors that I knew were going to open eventually, but I was also struggling with trusting in the unknown. I was scared. So, I listened to "Oceans" on repeat just about every day when I arrived at work.
 "You called me out upon the waters, the great unknown, my feet may fail...and I will call upon your name, and keep my eyes above the waves when oceans rise..." 
 Keep my eyes above the waves. That's all I had to do. I had to focus on doing that and everything else would fall into place.

On another note, at the time I was still dating my best guy friend (who was my lifeline during my first year of teaching. I seriously don't know what I would have done without him during that time, and I absolutely believe that was one of the reasons The Lord sent him to me). Then it hit me. I had just turned 24 years old and I was dating someone I wasn't going to marry. I wanted to marry him, but it's like I woke up one day and I knew I wasn't going to. It was so clear to me that I had to close that door in order to open myself up for the new things in my life. I felt selfish, but I also realized that it wasn't just for me. I had to close that door in order for him to have the opportunities that he needed, as well. It was hard. It was so hard. 

 “Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders, let me walk upon the waters wherever you would call me...”
He led me away from the comfort of dating my best friend. He led me away from the comfort of my school. He led me away from being content in going through the motions in my career and relationship. He closed the doors that I had been praying about for so many months, all in His timing.

So going back to the question of why I gave up teaching after only 2 years... Often times I hear: “Did you hate it?" or “I know teaching special ed is probably tough.” or “Do you think it was the school you were in that you didn't like?” or “Teachers just don't get paid enough." or "You should try teaching in a more rural county.” or "Why don't you try teaching general ed?" and so on...

I have found myself succumbing to those excuses sometimes and letting myself go on tangents about the school system or teachers being underpaid or whatever, and then I will remind myself that no- I did not quit teaching for any of those reasons. I loved teaching! I loved my students with all of my heart, loved my coworkers who became like my family, and loved the school I taught in. I simply did what I felt like I needed to do. The Lord gave me exactly what I had asked Him for and He led me where my trust was without borders. It seems so complicated and may sound crazy, but it's so simple to me. I tried to do it all on my own, but all I really had to do was pray and trust in the answers, even if they scared me to death. It was not easy to pack up my classroom and send in my notice of separation to Fulton County Schools. It was not easy to break the heart of my best friend and boyfriend by telling him we needed to end our relationship after almost 2 years. It was a terrifying place to be, but I have never felt so sure that I had served my purpose in both situations and it was time for me to move on.

“Where my feet may fail and fear surrounds me, you've never failed and you won't start now...”

24 has not only been my year of opportunity, it's been my year of trusting without borders. My year of keeping my eyes above the waves, and I'm not even half-way through it yet. So, there was my premature quarter-century crisis. I'm not sure if it's over or not, but so far this whole experience has been pretty interesting. I am SO thankful for the opportunities I have been given and I would not change a thing. 

Okay, I realize that I was being a little ridiculous about the even and odd numbers... That's just something that I'm OCD about and I need to get over it. Regardless of even or odd years, months, days, or whatever- in oceans deep my faith will stand.